When you’re a woman of certain age and you’re single, unmarried, with no children, people start side-eyeing you. The side-eye is a passive-aggressive, non-verbal gesture that means, “What’s wrong with you?” They think something HAS to be wrong with you, because being a wife and mother has to be the only thing a woman lives for, right? Wrong!
Married women with no children experience the same side-eye. People think that because you’re a wife, the next step HAS to be children. I’m here to proclaim that there is more to a woman’s life than procreating and nurturing a family. Yes, those are all great things to aspire towards if you wish, but it’s not every woman’s desire.
If I can be transparent, I thought that life would start when I got married. Marriage would grant me a travel buddy, a best friend, a lover, and life partner. Once the years started to pass, I realized that it was time to live life fully, even if that meant doing it solo. I wasn’t willing to give up on all life had to offer me just because I was single.
For a while, I found myself waiting on love. Forcing love. Hating love. Confused by love. The more I desired love, the more I lost pieces of myself. Seeking love in the wrong places and from the wrong people, caused a major loss of self-love.
I think God has me single for a reason. There are still things I must do, learn, and improve before I can bring another person aboard my life. To sum it up, I’m working on myself, and while doing so, I’m living life unapologetically. I wouldn’t recommend putting your life on hold to wait for love. God doesn’t want that for me, or you.
So, as a thirty-something, I must have learned a few things, right? Well here are a few:
I’m Stronger Than I Ever Gave Myself Credit For
I came from a strong woman, so it’s only right that I inherit that trait. I know now that my two feet are quite enough to stand, and with God as my strength, I’ll be just fine. I was taught to be head strong, to stand up for myself and to be a leader. I live my life with these teachings in mind, because life has a way of knocking you down at times. It’s important to know that you can always get back up again.
I’m low-key Adventurous!
I used to think that once I got married, I would travel the world with my husband, but sis is still single, so I take flights solo. Ask about me, I have no problem boarding a plane alone. If you can’t go, I’ll see you when I get back! Travel has a special place in my heart, so I wouldn’t be doing myself any justice to sit tight until I have a travel buddy. As long as I travel responsibly and with caution, I think travel is the best mood booster and stress killer. If you see me on your flight, say wesssup…lol!
I’ve grown closer to God in my singleness. I have time to just sit with Him and pour out my thoughts and emotions to Him. I’ve become more comfortable as a believer. God has a way of letting you know that you’re fine the way you are. I used to feel so stiff around other believers because I felt like I had to be SUPER holy. Not true! I can be just who I am, without photoshopping my entire being. As long as I love Him, and I nurture my relationship with Him, I’m good. Once you learn how God loves you, you begin to fall more in love with yourself.
I’m not settling
Once you understand who you are, there are certain things you won’t accept. There are people, places, and ideas that you won’t settle for. I’ve learned that if something isn’t serving me, it shouldn’t have a place in my head, heart, or life.
This brings me back to the topic of relationships. I’ve definitely settled in relationships, and I’m not doing it again. I’m not interested in compromising who I am just to make someone else comfortable. I’ve been in relationships that I knew wouldn’t work, just to give my partner the benefit of the doubt, completely overlooking myself.
I’ve decided that I’d rather be single, than waste any more of my good years in a relationship with someone I know AINT it. I dedicated my twenties to dating recklessly; my thirties are upgrading.
Until my time comes, I’ll be striving to be the best version of myself. I’ll still be hopping flights and enjoying life like it’s going out of style.
“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”– Soren Kierkegaard